Deafness During the Zombocalypse

An anonymous reader asks:

Hey, I’m deaf and sometimes I think about zombies attacking and what I might do in that situation. I was wondering about your thoughts on deaf people during a zombie attack. Just wanted to know what an zombiolinguist such as yourself would have to say on the subject?

Zombiolinguist, I like that! And look, I can be the first one without even having to go back to school for another expensive degree.

This is such a great question, and something that’s been really fun for me to puzzle over because I’ve never thought of it before. In zombie movies, everyone is a strong, young, healthy, super hot, educated person. They never show what would happen to someone with a disability. (Screenwriters, take note: this would be a great movie!)

So to start… I think you know I’m going to say this, but you’re obviously going to be at a bit of a disadvantage because a human’s #1 weapon during a zombie attack is their 5 non-deteriorating senses. If you can’t hear a horde of zombies coming, you’ll have to rely on other things to keep you safe. That said, my suggestions for you aren’t so different than for anyone else. Stay with a group. Take turns sleeping. Create a safe house. Don’t be an idiot.

If you do happen to get separated from your buddies, have a backup plan. Sure, your backup plan might be a rendezvous with your final bullet, but it’s better than the alternative. I’d suggest, you know, a hidden helicopter or something, but we all do what we can.

Here’s the plus side. Psychologically speaking, I bet you’re going to have a much easier time surviving than any of your fully-aware counterparts. You’ll have the luxury of blocking out the chaos (as long as it’s not in front of your face) – something they won’t even be able to do in their sleep. Considering 75% of human deaths during the zombocalypse are caused by regular old humans snapping and becoming a danger to themselves and others, an evolutionary predisposition for staying sane will suit you well.

And before anyone asks: yes, if you become a zombie you still won’t be able to hear.